Marrying A Divorced Woman With Kids

Post Divorce Children , Post Divorce Marriage

New website that exposes cheaters saves one woman from marrying Mr. Wrong!

Cathy Martin’s wedding wasn’t going to be anything elaborate or fancy, just an intimate affair with a few family members and close friends on the back lawn of her Seattle, WA home. On September 25th, the one year anniversary of her first date with fiancA Brian, she would walk down the rock path they had laid together, that led from the house to the gazebo, which would be decorated with pink and lavender paper flowers that she and her best girlfriends had been making over the last six weeks. She couldn’t wait for Brian to see her in her gown, a simple organza dress with an empire waist and pink satin trim.

She was on the computer trying to finalize the design for her wedding cake, which a friend had generously offered to make for her, when a pop up window interrupted Cathy’s online search. “There was this ominous looking pumpkin floating around the screen.” she says, “I thought it was some sort of Halloween ad.” But before she automatically closed out the window, as most of us do with those annoying pop up ads, a tag line caught her eye. “It said ‘Cheater, Cheatera.Busted!’, so I stopped and read the rest.”

On the Pumpkin Eaters website, a “Bust a Cheater” form (which is free to fill out and send in) allows you to expose someone you claim is cheating on their significant other. Posts are listed by state, then cities within each state and provide the alleged cheaters first name, last initial and the name or description of who they are supposedly cheating with. For .99, a search of the website database, called a “Cheater Report” will provide the subscriber with the cheaters full name (and the full name of the person they are cheating with if available), a description of how they were caught and by whom.

“I actually clicked on my state and looked at my city expecting to find my ex-boyfriend cheating on his new wife.” Cathy says, “Instead, there was Brian’s name, and he was apparently cheating with some woman at work!” Cathy paid the .99, and received her “Cheater Report” a couple of days later. “I was devastated.” she says sadly. “I knew from the specific information they had, that it was true. He was cheating on me.” Just to be sure, Cathy called in sick the very next day and went on a “stake out”, as she calls it, outside her fiancA’s place of work. Sure enough, that afternoon she saw Brian and his co-worker take a romantic lunch together, holding hands and kissing. “I took a picture with my cell phone so he would know I was there and caught him, then I went home and packed his bags.” Now, shortly before what was supposed to be the happiest day of her life, she is grateful she took the time to read the site. “I had no idea he was cheating, not a clue.” Cathy says. “Marrying him would have been the biggest mistake of my life!”

In an age where it isn’t uncommon for one partner to have a background check done on the other before making any sort of permanent commitment, and private investigators are making tons of cash catching cheating partners, a site like Pumpkin Eaters was inevitable. There are thousands of names listed, which means that many more brides like Cathy could be spared from making a lifetime commitment to someone who is being unfaithful. However, not everyone thinks posting information on cheaters is a good thing.

“What if it’s a lie?” asks Nancy, a registered nurse from Phoenix, AZ in response to an opinion poll about the site. “People who are trying to break up relationships could say anything they want!” Other comments included “What if someone is just trying to hurt someone else?” and “It could ruin the trust in a relationship for no reason.” In its defense, the Pumpkin Eaters site does have a disclaimer posted on almost every page stating: “Please remember that Pumpkin Eaters is an information sharing site only! We do not investigate or check facts, please do not assume that the information we post is correct!”, so it really is up to the individual to decide, or find out, what the truth is. Cathy Martin believes the site gave her invaluable information. “After I caught him, Iconfronted the person who reported him. She said she had wanted to tell me for months, but didn’t want to hurt me. I’m so grateful to her for letting me know what a jerk he is before it was too late!”

Is Pumpkin Eaters the devil’s work or guardian angels at work? To view the site, go to and decide for yourself.

About the author: Nikki Aksamit is a freelance writer from Chandler, AZ.


Frequently Asked Questions

    Is it advisable for a divorced man with 2 kids marrying a divorced woman with 3 kids?,?
    I’m 36 years old divorcee with2 kids , currently seeing a 31 yrs old divorcee with 3 kids , i’m really in love with her but i keep thinking of what will people say. but she’s everything i ever want in a woman,

    • ANSWER:
      Nope. Too much baggage. 85 to 90 precent of second marriages end in divorce.

    Would you marry with a divorced woman with no kids if your are never married?
    Yes I know if you love … but what if you have constant questions if she will ever experience the same feelings she had before when you walk with her in your ceremony?

    • ANSWER:
      Okay, well, am a girl, but the reverse can be the same answer…

      Yes, just because someone was married before, doesn’t mean they don’t love just as intensely the second time around. People change, they grow and develop as they age and sometimes things just don’t work out if the first spouse isn’t on the same page, or if there were other issues in the marriage.

      I have a friend in this situation, she was married and divorced, and is now engaged to a man that has never been married. I would dare to say that she loves him more than her first husband, she has seen what a bad husband is and now knows what a good one will be.

    rule on marrying an orphan or divorced woman?
    in desi culture mostly pakistani/indian our parents will say to the son “no you cannot marry this woman because she is an orphan” or “no you cannot marry this woman because she is a divorcee [a woman who was married and is now divorced]. since some people take culture and status in the culture to be more important than viewing and accepting what Islam teaches, or maybe they don’t know the Islamic teachings themself. Khair ALLAH knows best.

    you know how desi parents are…they want they child to marry into a good respectable family, who have good family morals, and come from good family background [good reputation] etc. Nothing wrong with that, but what happens to the kids who were adopted and are basically “orphan”? It’s not their fault they don’t have family. What about the women who get divorced due to halal reasons?

    but what does the Qur’an and Hadiths say about marrying a woman who is either divorced or an orphan? Doesn’t a person get double reward for marrying orphan kids?

    If anyone can list some proofs from Hadiths and Qur’an about the issue on marrying divorced and orphaned women that would be great.

    ALLAH bless u all in ur good deeds aameen :-)
    Somali – aameen :-) and Walaikum Asalaam wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuhu :-)
    Amdoo – first of all i never mentioned ALL desi do this…and wasn’t judging the WHOLE community was only pointing out to the ONES who do this..if i wanted to point out to WHOEL community i would have done so, but am not that ignorant to do dear..

    and my facts are straight..first of all i m an orphan [was adopted] and am divorced [due to abusive reasons] and a desi man wanted to marry me but his father told him “no she is a divorcee and an orphan stay away from people like this”

    so please think before you speak..ALLAH bless u for ur right intentions and forgive u for whatever mistakes u made aameen :-)
    * Thank you Fariha for your open minded reply, you also speak from experience growing up in our culture as well. Not everyone does it but many people do and its sad, because they think about what the other people will say and think and not what ALLAH will think of them.
    hiьắʠаує – Jazak ALLAH Khair :-)

    • ANSWER:
      first of all Prophet Muhammed PBUH was an orphan
      and married Alhamduiliah. as for a divorced woman ::
      this site explains the waiting time {iddah} & the permissibility
      for a divorced woman {once she has completed her iddah}
      to remarry. {hadith}

      peace :)
      wa iyaki habibti take care :)

    Would you marry a 40 year old divorced woman with 4 kids?
    she has not much money, still a student and pretty. Just wondering how many men would do it.

    • ANSWER:
      No, Not, Hell No and are you out of your F’ing mind.

    Why is a divorced woman with kids considered damaged goods?
    Okay, I’m young, under 30, good-looking, but I’ve made mistakes. Got married, divorced (he was abusive), have kids, and I couldn’t get a date if I walked into an all-male prison with a hand full of pardons. It really sorta pi$$’s me off that I’m written off as damaged goods because single men don’t want to deal with the whole deal of kids and an ex who has partial custody.

    Why is it that I’m considered damaged goods? There are lots of terrific single divorced moms who just made mistakes, but they want to date. But when single men find out about mr. ex, and the young kids, it’s adios amiga.
    I, and other single divorced moms like me shouldn’t be penalized for life just because we married creeps. Spent year and a half trying to date, but single men don’t seem to love me enough to deal with mr. ex, and the kids. It sucks to wake up in an empty bed.

    • ANSWER:
      i feel your pain…but i think if we keep moving forward and living out lives engrossing in ourselves in healthy activities and doing positive things we will eventually find a good MAN…not all men are real men so they cant handle our “baggage” and some choose not to and you cant fault for not wanting to…but be positive eventually you will find someone who will be good to you..

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